Term
| Explain prophetic teachings on ideal timing for marriage |
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Definition
| “It’s marriage time. That is what the Lord intends for His young adult sons and daughters.” -Elder Dallin H. Oaks |
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Term
| Explain social science research on the influence of age at marriage on marital outcomes. |
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Definition
| The highest quality marriages, on average, are those entered between the ages of 22 and 25. Risk for divorce is greater when married at 21 yrs or younger. |
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Term
| Identify some of the risks in intentionally delaying marriage. |
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Definition
| Smaller Dating Pool - “If you don’t believe me, go to the 30+ YSA ward” |
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Term
| Describe the difference and significance between finding “a” right person versus “the” right person. |
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Definition
| There is no one person you are supposed to marry, or a soulmate who is your one chance at a happy marriage. There is no predestined love. You must do the choosing. |
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Term
| Explain prophetic teachings about soulmates. |
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Definition
“I do not believe she was my one chance at happiness in this life, nor was I hers” -President Uchtdorf.
“Soul mates are fiction and an illusion...any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price” -Pres Kimball |
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Term
| Explain the difference between a one-and-only that is “found” versus one that is “made.” |
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Definition
| “Once you commit to being married, your spouse becomes your soul mate, and it is your duty and responsibility to work every day to keep it that way.” -President Uchtdorf |
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Term
| What are the deeper questions of physical attraction? |
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Definition
—What is physical attraction?
—Why is physical attraction important?
—Will our physical traits change during this life?
—Are there other traits that influence our attraction to someone?
—Is attraction to others agentive? |
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Term
| What is the difference between compatibility and complementarity? |
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Definition
Complement-completes or brings to perfection, a complete set
Complementary-Differences that will make a differences (such as discipleship, mature love, etc.); “Making up what is lacking in one another”
Compatibility- Things like age, personality, cultural background, hobbies etc. Still important, but not foundation factors. |
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Term
| Describe the erosion of courtship in modern society. |
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Definition
lacks any socially defined norms, rituals, and relationship milestones to guide young people toward marriage
-Pessimism (transition of gain vs. transition of loss)
-Getting ahead before getting wed
-Hanging out (either you’re hanging out -or together 24-7)
-hooking up & cohabitation |
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Term
| Be able to teach someone the five prophetically-defined stages of dating and the six “ships” of dating. |
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Definition
Order of operation
1) Discipleship
2) Relationship
3) Friendship
4) Companionship
5) Partnership
6) Courtship
* Refer to the Study guide chart |
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Term
| Explain Elder Oaks’ counsel on hanging out versus dating and why paired dating is important. |
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Definition
| The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. None of that happens in hanging out. |
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Term
| Describe the changes that occur in a dating relationship when partners begin dating exclusively and become a “couple.” |
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Definition
| Couple status, steady dating, hanging out as a couple, merge schedules. |
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Term
| Describe the key principles of dating we discussed in class. |
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Definition
-Optimal courtship is built on the foundation of other relationship experiences.
-Dating experience is needed.
-It is possible to back-up in stages.
-Pairing is powerful! |
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Term
| Distinguish between the three levels of chastity |
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Definition
(increasing in maturity) Behavioral --> Spiritual --> Marital
we most often only focus on the behavioral aspect of chastity (i.e.- What we can or cannot do) not so much the WHYS which are brought out in the Spiritual and Marital levels of chastity |
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Term
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Definition
| Emotional intimacy exists in a relationship when two people experience a sense of security, support, trust, comfort, and safety with one another. |
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Term
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Definition
| involves any form of physical touch that communicates care, concern and affection that does not arouse the sexual response of our souls (body & spirit). |
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Term
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Definition
| Passionate intimacy involves any form of physical touch that communicates love, commitment, and passion that does arouse the sexual response of our souls (body & spirit). |
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Term
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Definition
| Orgasmic intimacy involves any form of physical touch that communicates love, commitment, and passion that initiates the orgasm response of our souls (body & spirit). |
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Term
| Be able to describe why emotional intimacy in dating is the foundation of fulfilling sexual connection later in marriage |
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Definition
| In dating, a couple's level of emotional intimacy can be measured by each partner’s ability to be emotionally open, allowing themselves to be vulnerable, and allowing the other to understand them on a deeper level. |
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Term
| Describe how pornography and immodesty influence our views of sexuality and how they influence patterns of dating and couple formation. |
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Definition
| True love endures. But lust changes as quickly as it can turn a pornographic page or glance at yet another potential object for gratification walking by, male or female. True love we are absolutely giddy about…But lust is characterized by shame and stealth |
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Term
| Explain why it is so important for couples to learn how to handle differences effectively and the three key questions for couples to ask themselves about their patterns of handling differences. |
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Definition
-When discussing differences, do we stay focused on resolving the problem?
-Do we manage our emotions during conflicts?
-Do we maintain respect and concern for one another during an argument? |
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Term
| What are perpetual problems and what percent of couple problems fit this label? |
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Definition
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Term
| Distinguish the two types of differences and sources of differences in relationships. |
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Definition
Preference vs. Identity
Differences come from
unique individuals
gender differences
intergenerational transmission |
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Term
| Describe research findings on the difference between softened start-up vs. hard start-up complaints. |
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Definition
Soft start-up- Inviting someone to discuss a problem
hard start-up- anger, confrontational, turning against
90% of arguments end the way they begin |
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Term
| Gottman’s four-horseman of marital conflict |
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Definition
| Criticism,Defensiveness, Contempt, Stonewalling |
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Term
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Definition
Negative Tone and Focus
—Seeing Negative Intent
—Over-Generalized Statements (“You never,” “You always,” etc.)
—Attack the Person, Usually with Blame (character or personality) |
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Term
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Definition
—Deny Responsibility
//—Making Excuses
(Yes-Butting, You-made-me, etc)
—Body Language
(Pouting, Turning away, etc.)
—Escalation
(Def. -> Crit. -> Def. -> Crit.) |
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Term
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Definition
—Intent to Insult, Hurt, or Harm Partner
—Insults/Name Calling
Hostile Humor, Mockery
—Body Language
—Shift to a Negative Focus |
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Term
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Definition
—Habitual Withdrawal
—Interaction
—Love and affection
—Hope
—Silent Treatment
—Emotional and Psychological Break-up |
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Term
| Distinguish between overt and covert conflict in marriage. |
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Definition
| overt- obvious, explicit, observable, and visible |
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Term
| Be able to teach someone what meta-communication is and the six-parts of solution-talk. |
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Definition
—Meta-Communication = “Communication about Communication”
Solution Talk: Focus on what is working, Seek to find solutions, Future-Focused
—Share the Goal
—Get Educated
—Confirm Understanding
—Encourage Ideas
—Identify Preferred Solution
—Plan to Follow-up |
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Term
| Describe the “time famine” people are experiencing in modern society. |
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Definition
| No one has enough time. Over scheduling and just generally feeling rushed and having a hectic life. |
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Term
| Be able to list some of the common threats to marital time. |
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Definition
| Children’s schedules, work, school, overabundance of church activities, extended family, recreation, media |
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Term
| What are marital rituals? What are some types of marital rituals? Why do they matter? |
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Definition
Rituals-Social interactions that are repeated, coordinated, and significant. (If not significant they are just habitual). It keeps the love alive.
Connection Rituals
Talk rituals
Love rituals
Intimacy rituals
Celebration rituals |
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Term
| Guiding principles of extended family relationships for married couples. |
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Definition
| It is wise for a couple to reside in their own home and create their own identity, no matter how modest the home or apt might be. The principle of spousal preeminence comes into play when the spouse is above others, especially extended family. |
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Term
| Explain the prophetically-defined pattern of self-reliance (three circle model). |
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Definition
| The principle taught by our prophetic leaders has always been that each of us should do all we can to live in a self-reliant way (within our means), and if needed turn to extended family first and to the church second to meet our temporal needs - always with the intent to return to self-reliance as soon as possible. |
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Term
| Key principles of financial security in marriage and how materialism influences marital finances. |
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Definition
One materialistic spouse: 3X more likely to have financial problems. Two materialistic spouses: 5X more likely
Pay tithes and offerings, avoid debt, use a budget, build a reserve, and teach family members |
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Term
| Explain what prophets have taught us about acceptable debt (i.e., types of debt, modest use, etc.). |
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Definition
| We should be modest and cautious in our use of real estate (home) and installment (education, furniture, cars) debt and avoid consumer (credit card) debt. Live within your means! |
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Term
| Describe different purposes of intimacy in marriage and the role of both emotional intimacy, affectionate intimacy, and sexual intimacy in marital closeness. |
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Definition
emotional intimacy - conversation, shared time, etc.
affectionate intimacy- holding hands, cuddling, etc.
passionate intimacy- arousal, orgasm, afterglow, etc. |
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Term
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Definition
-desire
-arousal
-orgasm
-afterglow/resolution |
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Term
| sexual relationship cycle |
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Definition
-desire
-foundation phase
-arousal
-orgasm
-afterglow/resolution
-fruits/outcome phase |
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Term
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Definition
Negative conditioning about sex and our bodies.
•Discomfort or embarrassment in discussing sexual matters
•Underlying belief that sex is bad, wrong, dirty, or sinful.
•Inability to relax and “let go” within the sexual experience.
•Inappropriate inhibitions, guilt, shame, or awkwardness associated with sexual relations. |
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Term
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Definition
•Internalized sexual conditioning of mainstream society.
–Pre-pornographic and Pornographic Images
•Objectification and Distortion
•Intimacy detached from relationship outcomes
•Marriage = License to Lust
•Marital Finish Line of Chastity |
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Term
| basic anatomy of the sexual response for women |
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Definition
the clitoris has the same number of nerve endings as does the penis, but is only one-tenth the size. For a woman, the key to orgasmic success is the clitoris. Every orgasm that occurs in a woman is clitoral.
-Brain, 60%; Clitoris, 30%; Vagina, 5%; Other, 5% |
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Term
| basic anatomy of the sexual response for men |
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Definition
After fifteen to sixty seconds, the male becomes fully aroused.
Brain, 51%; Penis, 44%; Other, 5% |
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Term
| Be able to describe the common pattern of a higher desire spouse and a lower desire spouse in sexual intimacy marriage and the opportunities this pattern provides couples. |
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Definition
Husband- usually higher desire spouse
Wife- usually lower desire spouse, can take up to 10x longer, women are slower to reach arousal but usually lasts longer and is stronger
This allows for each spouse to be responsive, to recognize what his/her partner needs and act accordingly |
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Term
| Describe how men and women often differ in the sequence of the “desire phase” and “arousal phase” of the sexual response – explain why this knowledge can help couples with intimacy in marriage. |
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Definition
women may go through the arousal phase before the desire phase, while men are the opposite; so there is not one correct sexual response cycle for all people
women can become physically aroused before mentally aroused |
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Term
| Explain reasons why “selfless sex” in marriage doubles spouses’ sexual pleasure. |
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Definition
| It’s about the journey and as you work together you improve your oneness and it increases their desire in you. --> You get satisfaction not only from your own sexual response but from your partner’s as well |
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Term
| Describe the risks of taking an all-negative or all-positive perspective of becoming a parent. |
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Definition
- the errors are at the extremes
-All-positive: leads us to be unprepared or underprepared
-All-negative: leads us to the desire to not begin a family (it requires sacrifice) |
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Term
| Explain doctrines of a couple’s stewardship over procreation (i.e., multiply & replenish, decision making about number and timing of children, birth control, acceptable infertility treatments, etc.) |
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Definition
-When couples are physically able, they have the privilege and responsibility to have children.
-How many children? All they can care for.
-Having children should not be postponed for selfish reasons. |
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Term
| How to know when and how many kids to have |
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Definition
-Three key steps:
1. Seek reliable health information
2. Counsel together as a married couple
3. Seek inspiration and guidance from the Lord |
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Term
| Be able to identify key factors that predict marital trajectories through the transition to parenthood. |
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Definition
-The quality of the pre-parent relationship
-The quality of marital friendship and communication
-Successful establishment of work-family patterns |
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Term
| Be able to teach someone prophetic principles about divorce. |
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Definition
Not a simple yes or no.
-There might be a legitimate cause for divorce. However, divorce is not of God.
Explain key factors to consider in divorce decision making and research on the consequences of divorce for parents and children. |
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Term
| Explain key factors to consider in divorce decision making and research on the consequences of divorce for parents and children. |
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Definition
| divorced or separated were no happier, on average, than unhappily married adults who stayed married. |
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Term
| Explain research findings on marital turnarounds |
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Definition
-Two out of three unhappily married adults who avoided divorce or separation ended up happily married five years later.
-The most unhappy marriages reported the most dramatic turnarounds. Among those who rated their marriages as very unhappy, almost eight out of ten who avoided divorce were happily married five years later. |
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